Now is the Time

It has been one year since my last posting. As I started to post about my health issue with osteoarthritis last year, something stood in my way of writing. Me. I have been the obstacle in my way for most of my life.  Finding excuses for not getting things done that I wanted to do. Consciously and sub-consciously finding rational reasons (of which there are none) for not doing it.

Yes, the health issue took its turn and I used a walker to gain strength as I walked twice daily in my driverway or in my home. Yes, it hurt but I knew if I sat that I would not gain the ability to walk again without help or pain. Yes, it was a long journey and still is long today. My recovery is not of a mental health issue (except that there are days I feel sad and want to sleep away the day), but of a physical and mental health issue. It is a life-saving issue. I have been recovering for 15 months now and each day is a challenge. There are some days that I am not able to work. My own business work has fallen as I have been tired and not inspired to continue on my quest to do what needs to be done. And, after I was able to walk again late in the fall, my own fears came crashing in my own mind. It took me a short time to realize that I was not good top anyone - myself nor my clients nor my friends.

Downsizing is what I did.  There were friendships of a decade or more that I had to change direction, as the only onnection we had was the drama in their lives. Our own goals had shifted and there was no connection about really positive things in life. Friendship goes two ways and when friends choose not to call me, I have to look at the value of the friendship and decide if it is worth it.  Yes, we are all busy but friendships are special bonds. And Ma Bell works both ways.

Then, I had to decide what family members were important to me.  For years, my brother and I have not spoken, so there was no need to remove him from te list. He wasn't on there in the first place. You can choose your family - they do not have to be all biological!  I love adopting family members!

Most of all, I had to adopt a new attitude towards life. It has taken me three months to understand that choices I made in the past are back again for me to make them right. No matter what te cost nor the challenge. This past year, I learned more than anything to walk in my truth and walk my talk more than ever. If I want to be a role model for my stepson and others behind me, I need to follow my own advice I give to my clients.  Walk the truth. Even if it hurts.

Yes, there will be those I offend. Yes, there will be those whom think I still should do business with them without charge. Yes, there are those whom I have offended. Yes, there are those I have choosen to remove from my life. Yes, I have to make sure that at the end of the day I can feel happy with the decisions I have made.  There are those I still need to talk to, those I still need to apoogize to, and those to whom I have to ask for forgiveness.  In the end, it will be my choice to make it my time.

Food for thought........